Truth in apartment rentals. A case study.
I lifted this ad right out of Craigslist because it is for a property I (we) occupied for about 6 month. Name, phone number and address have been deleted to protect the guilty. I hope this side-by-side analysis will give you an idea of how to read a rental ad!
My comments are in brackets [...]
Here we go:Located in the Upper Breaches [I think he means Beaches - and exaggeration of sorts] at [address removed to protect the guilty]. (Danforth & Woodbine) & available for Oct 1st: This spacious [spacious is obviously open to interpretation!] 1 bedroom unit on 2nd floor of renovated [how many years ago was it renovated again?] house on beautiful [the term beautiful was obviously used very loosely here] quiet tree-lined residential street just steps [every journey start with a first step, right?] to all Amenities & Convenient Transportation is perfect for a couple [huh? You got to love being on top of each other 24/7 otherwise I suggest you pass on this one!], single professional or student (Pets OK).FEATURES
Have the amenities you really shouldn’t live without! [certainly sounds charming, but what exactly are those amenities one should not live without?] This charming [adjective open to interpretation!] recently renovated unit in century home has it all!:
- Bright eat-in kitchen with Loads [why is loads spelled with a capital L? The place has hardly enough room to store your dishes!] of Cupboards, Large Fridge [standard size that is! Oh, and you can't open the door all the way because of the overall room size when used as eat-in kitchen as this friendly landlord suggests], and complete with Dishwasher! [you have to hook up to water and power every time you want to use it that is!];
- Private En-Suite Washer and Dryer (not coin operated)!!! [Sounds generous, give me a break! The dryer isn't even vented to the outside as required by law, it can however be used for heating!];
- Central Air-Conditioning & Forced-Air Heating [true, except landlord forgot to mention that you have no control over it, as the thermostat is in the downstairs unit - you better get to love your neighbors!];
- Windows in every room [I call rooms without windows closets, so where is the feature in this one?];
- Cozy private front porch (enjoy & kick-back) [if you enjoy sitting right next to the road with your downstair neighbors looking over your shoulders while you are relaxing, sure!];
- Modern bright & spacious washroom with Full-sized Bathtub [this one is hilarious, there isn't even enough room to sit comfortably on the loo!];
- Bedroom large enough for a Queen-Sized bed [yup, wall to wall for sure; does the term bed usually include some kind of bed frame?];
- Gorgeous Hardwood Floors [Adjectives are every landlord's friend me thinks!];
- High Ceilings [somewhere above the gorgeous hardwood floors!];
- Huge [OMG, I am imagining walking into a room this guy would describe as mid size!] sun-drenched living room (with a door- allowing it to be used alternatively as an extra bedroom for guests) [rooms with doors, a good idea for sure... but a feature?];
- Professional [and what exactly was this painter's profession?] Paint Job with Designer Colours [not quite sure where he is going with this descriptive?];
- Large closets [the rooms are tiny, what do you think the size of the closets actually is?] with tons of Storage Space throughout [ideal for anyone seriously void of belongings!];
- Main floor entrance hall with ample space for shoes & coats [well, that would have to be on the floor as there is not enough room to place a piece of furniture larger than a mouse trap];
- Access to Front Garden Areas (potential for someone with a green thumb) [access yes, after all you need to get to your "private entrance", but it sure will require more than just a green thumb!];
- Parking Available!
- This unit also comes with the security and convenience of a private entrance. [you have your own entrance, only the dead-bolt actually works though]
GREAT LOCATION
Enjoy the best of both worlds with beautiful active parks and tree-lined streets, as well as trendy restaurants, brunch spots, lounges, shops and cafes in your own neighbourhood. Also just minutes from all amenities, including: Grocery Stores, Drug Store, Video Store, Gym, Mall and countless other shops. It is a short walk to two beautiful parks. This home is also just as short drive to and Greektown / The Danforth (shops & restaurants) The Beaches (shops, movie theatre), Little India, China Town East and Leslieville [comments in this paragraph would have made it completely unreadable!]
CONVENIENT TRANSPORTATION
This is a great location to commute from! [true true, one just really needs to get out!] Literally a 5-10 minute walk to the Woodbine Subway station on the Danforth subway line (10-15 minute ride downtown). Also just a 10 minute drive to either Don Valley Parkway or the Gardiner Expressway.
Don’t miss the opportunity to grab this fabulous home in great location! [My advice: There is always another opportunity right around the corner.]
Call [phone number removed] or email today.
Cheers & Happy Hunting!
[address removed here]
cats are OK - purrr
dogs are OK - wooof
Location: Danforth/Upper Beach [address removed here]
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests